Hmmmm .. talk about my erjie .. hahas ! Joker sister i had =x I really slowly realize there if you gave ppl a chance , time pass when they understand you they'll love you more.
Erjie , it's not your fault for knowing that i had such state. Is i choose to keep it from you cause the erjie i use to know is cool , scary & doesn't care me. Actually erjie , i do hate you once before . Still remember the time when i quarrel with erjie? Erjie , don't need feel sad over me =p .. your brother me is always cheerfull after a sleep. I'm already a 18 yrs old adult erjie =p .. no longer 15 or 16 nor do i the brother you know years ago. Erjie , really really thanks for dote me so much now & than .. it's not too late xD .. At lest erjie this name i did not call wrong :D !
Since when my struggling become stronger & stronger. Is it because of you? Or is it because of else thing? Why am i so weak to escape & escape everytime?
You could even wait a friend to online chat with you till you no need sleep , how about me? i waited till day light for your sms do you know? NO ! You know nothing!
You always say you understand how i feel , now tell me how much you know? You could even forget that you once say before if i did not message you , you will bother message me even i don't reply. You forgotten wasn't it?
I belive again & again your fucking lie .. you fucking hurt me again & again .. do the fucking you know what are you doing?
Tell me im idiot , tell me im hopeless .. don't show me fake concern even i punch the fucking wall is none of the business .. hurt me once deep & leave me alone ! Don't give me fucking hope anymore can?
.Just fucking hurt me deep once & for all.
ღThis is how all things worked...
牛奶@11:31 AM
Friday, October 9, 2009;
I jus doesn't know why .. whenever i think of you , i will punch the wall. I told myself is impossible in between us. I even had no courage to face what's right infront of me because i choose to escape from you.
.I know i stand no chance .. hurt is main cause.
ღThis is how all things worked...
牛奶@11:08 AM
Wednesday, October 7, 2009;
Wall's & still wall's in my life .. how could i stop the wall from buliding? I couldn't see any of the path right infront now.
Few people could understand how i feel & yes i choose to escap the reality in past , now i couldn't now how stop it from buliding. Which path could i walk now?
I'm so afraid of stepping another step .. doesn't know who will hurt next. I could hurt people even without realising .. I choose to hide in the dark forest .. now i'm lost. I so hope someone will be there be my guiding star , guide me out of the dark forest.
Yes , lots of reasonable & "Understanding" people is right . I choose to hide myself as deep as possible .. now i suffer myself because i choose it. But do i have a choice? I hide all things inside me , i keep all people hurt's in me does you "understanding" people know?
.What are growing up life's?.
.&.
.Do you know how much i miss you?.
ღThis is how all things worked...
牛奶@10:07 AM
Tuesday, October 6, 2009;
Why do you tell me you appreciate me bidding you morning & night all of sudden? Why do you bother sms me morning or night & asking why i no message you? I thought i would have a chance to meet you out but you changed subject & tell me you do really appreciate my morning & night . Is this what you trying tell me ? I stand no chance & ask me give up?
Why you like other's , give me a slight small chance of hope & crush me into piece's within second? Why bother tell me you appreciate for what i had done? Why?
.Wall's start to bulid up in fast speed .. i can't stop it.
ღThis is how all things worked...
牛奶@8:27 PM
Since i gradute from secondry school life already being 2year's. Alot of people keep telling me that i should treasure the time i in secondry school but i keep thinking of growing up & don't understand why they want to be stay at secondry school life or being a kids. Now i fully understand it .
There lot's of freedom in secondry school life & lot's of joke's too. We gather around copying each other homework , after school go out together hanging around or talk in class & get punish together. Don't have to trouble about homework no do can't gradute & no need worry about living.
I take a look back at my life year's ago compare to now. I feeling lifeless since i gradute from secondry school. My heart wasn't with me anymore because i wasn't happy with at i had now. My schooling now is just bother line & i totally had no heart to do anything unlike during secondry school .. i can do finish a work within 15min & i die die must get full mark's for my work , don't wan lose to anyone in the class .. i want be top!
Look at myself now .. i'm like a junk rotting lifeless. Wearing different mask entertainning people & have to learn to accept this cruel social & reality. How long can i escape? What am i escaping? i couldn't ans all myself what am i escaping.
