活着的证据

2010-09-12T12:55:00.004+08:00

我很不开心。。。
已经是明明打算放下一切了。。。
她也很清楚地告诉我了，叫我不要再浪费时间了。。。
我好像让你知道我真的放不下你。
每当提起你时，我内心就好刺痛。。。
俗语说，“男子汉，拿得起就要放得下“
那我的回应是，“一样对你来说比你生命还要重要的人/物，你会“死“都要保护她/它。。。不管领不领情，对吧？“

女孩，
我好想告诉你，请你一刀让我恨你。。。
对不起，我始终还是放不下你。。。

那片天空我要如何走出？

2010-08-10T23:43:00.002+08:00

好一阵子以没写了。。。变成死篇了吧？

我已经丧失了写作的灵感与感情了。。。

说起来挺可笑的。。。

选择了不在多谈，选择了放弃。。。

我越变越沉默了。。。

变得，身边的人都想知道什么事情改变了我。

我总是只能萧萧的回答到，我真的不知道。

我没怕过死，我一直害怕的是失去。

我告诉我自己，起码我是幸福的。

我活下来的勇气就是，我比起他人，我低且是幸福很多了。

2010-07-15T20:49:00.002+08:00

我好想知道生命的意义是什么。

我每天告诉自己，我该珍惜一切。。。该珍惜我健全的身体。

但我感到很沮丧。

开着ｍｓｎ等候了一天，还是没人和我说话。

主动和别人聊天，只要我段了话，那人也不会和我说话了。

错，不在于他人。。。

如果一个人不找我，可能是他/她有问题。

如果全朋友不找我，那就是我有问题了。

外公，我是多么的希望您听不见我的哀求可是我就是惦记着您。

十几年来，几乎每晚都在枕头里哭泣。。。向您哀求带我一起离开。

大家都是三五成群的外头。。。而我且在家里睡觉。

看看手机，会有谁要和我出去？

我何时会离开这世界？

2010-06-03T21:26:00.000+08:00

I tears over for night because of my decision.

是时候告别了。。。

2010-05-30T21:18:00.002+08:00

你知道为什么我会再一次嗜酒吗？

其中的原因也是因为你。。。你知道吗？

我是多么希望你能一直在我身边。。。或是让我来保护你。

此刻的心情你能理解吗？

You walked in my path for like 6years if i did not count wrongly.

Why don't you just let me drop down from the top and i won't have to 依赖 you anymore.

Do you know the more you concern me , the more i will fall into you? No one ever able to know me till so deep and no one ever hold on me for so long.

I have alot of words i wanted to tell you ... but i just cant express out or should say i don't know how keep you by my side. I don't wanna hold on to you because i know im not suitable for you and i can't support you either. I just don't know why i keep 依赖 you.

I wish i was by your side everyday .. i hope for i wasn't suffer from depression .. i hope for i could support you. All this are my hope for years ... When u around , my depression improvment alot do you know?

That night , when i was drinking ... your reminder keep ringing around me. I asked myself , why do you still care about me despit im not that guy in your heart?

Im really sorry for selfish wanting to keep you by my side because really no one had ever concern me for till so far. Trust , you are always 1st in my heart world.

I do agree with you... study is everything to you. I should have given up long ago.

我知道我无法给你一个依靠更加无法带给你安慰。

在别人的眼里，我的世界是无法上色的。没人知道原因。。。接近我的人只会感到沮丧。

我选择了放弃，你又为何要帮组我呢？我对你产生了依赖。。。

我想我该停止了。。。是时候还你自由了。

好多话都被风吹走了。。。

2010-04-10T13:24:00.001+08:00

世间万物，你能了解多少？

有再多的人爱我，关心我也都没用。

我选择了不爱自己。

2010-03-21T16:35:00.002+08:00

都已经决定放弃你了。。。为何我还会留恋。你连笑起来都不快乐。。。会有都少人会愿意等待？我不知道。。。当兵的日子真的很难受。。。本来以为自己很坚强。。。可我错了。

我什么都想不到。。。

好累。。。

Last & Final.

2010-03-04T13:59:00.002+08:00

out of Blue .. this shell be my last post .. few song perhaps for her & everyone ..

-------------------------------------------------------------------

[Tell me why]

In my dream,children sing
A song of love for every
boy and girl
The sky is blue and fields
are green:
And laughter is the language
of the world
Then i wake and all i see
Is a world full of people in need
Tell me why(why) does
it have to be like this?
Tell me why (why) is
there something i have missed?
Tell me why (why) cos
i don t understand
When so many need somebody.
We don t give a helping
hand Tell me why?
Everyday i ask myself
What will i have to do to be a man?
Do i have to stand and fight
To prove to everybody who i am?
Is that what my life is for
To waste in a world full of war?
Tell me why(why) does
it have to be like this?
Tell me why (why) is
there something i have missed?
Tell me why (why) i
don t understand
with so many need somebady,we
don't give a helping hand.
Tell me why?
tell me why?tell me why?
tell me why?tell me why?
just tell me why, why, why?
Tell me why(why) does
it have to be like this?
Tell me why (why) is
there something i have missed?
Tell me why (why) cos
i don t understand
with so many need somebody
We don t give a helping
hand Tell me why?
Tell me why (why,why,does
the tiger run)
Tell me why(why why do
we shoot the gun)
Tell me why (why,why
do we never learn)
Can someone tell us why
we let the forest burn?
(why,why do we say we care)
Tell me why(why,why do
we stand and stare)
Tell me why(why,why do
the dolphins cry)
Can some one tell us
why we let the ocean die?
(why,why if we re all the same)
Tell me why(why,why do
we pass the blame)
Tell me why (why,why
does it never end)
Can some one tell us
why we cannot just be friends?
Why,why
Why,why,(do we close our eyes)
Why,why,(do the greedy life)
Why,why,(do we fight for land)
Can someone tell us why
'cos we don't understand?

Why,why??

-------------------------------------------------------------------

我小心翼翼的接近
怕你在梦中惊醒
我只是想轻轻的吻吻你
你别担心
我知道想要和你在一起并不容易
我们来自不同的天和地
你总是感觉和我一起
是漫无边际阴冷的恐惧
我真的好爱你
我愿意改变自己
我愿意为你流浪在戈壁
只求你不要拒绝
不要离别
不要给我风雪
我真的好爱你
我愿意改变自己
我愿意为你背负一身羊皮
只求你让我靠近
让我爱你相偎相依
我确定我就是那一只披着羊皮的狼
而你是我的猎物是我嘴里的羔羊
我抛却同伴独自流浪
就是不愿别人把你分享
我确定这一辈子都会在你身旁
带着火热的心随你到任何地方
你让我痴让我狂
爱你的嚎叫还在山谷回荡
也许我这一生都无法走进你的生命
我却又为你守候一生的勇气
一直到沙漠日落大海干涸
始终为爱执着
也许我这一生都无法改变你的决定
我却又为你祝福一生的友情
只要你能够坚信我的真心
至死不渝
我确定你就是那我心中如花的羔羊
你是我的天使是我的梦想
我搂你在怀里装进我的身体
让你我的血液交融在一起
你确定看到我为你披上那温柔的羊皮
是一男人无法表露脆弱的感情
我有多爱你就有多少柔情
我相信这柔情定能感动天地
music...
我确定你就是那我心中如花的羔羊
你是我的天使是我的梦想
我搂你在怀里装进我的身体
让你我的血液交融在一起
你确定看到我为你披上那温柔的羊皮
是一个男人要改变命运的决定
我有多珍惜
珍惜这份真情
我相信这真情在天地里是最高的荣誉

-------------------------------------------------------------------

［原来的我］

给我一个空间

没有人走过

感觉到自己被冷落

给我一段时间

没有人曾经爱过

再一次体会寂寞

曾经爱过却要分手

为何相爱不能相守

到底为什么

早知如此

何必开始

欢笑以后代价就是冷漠

既然说过深深爱我

为何又要离我远走

海誓山盟抛在脑后

早知如此何必开始

我还是原来的我

-------------------------------------------------------------------

［至少还有你］

直到视线变得模糊直到不能呼吸

让我们形影不离

如果全世界我也可以放弃

至少还有你值得我去珍惜

而你在这里就是生命的奇迹

也许全世界我也可以忘记

就是不愿意失去你的消息

直到视线变得模糊直到不能呼吸

让我们形影不离

-------------------------------------------------------------------

［感动天感动地］

一开始.

我以为.

爱本来会很容易.

所以没有经过允许.

就把你放心里.

直到后来有一天.

你和他走在一起.

我才发现原来爱情不是真心就可以.

我感动天感动地.

怎么感动不了你.

明明知道没有结局.

却还死心塌地.

我感动天感动地.

怎么感动不了你.

总相信爱情会有奇迹

都是我骗自己.

以为自己不去想你.

保持不被刺痛的距离

就算早已忘了我自己，

却还想要知道你的消息

-------------------------------------------------------------------

［你到底爱谁］

一个人喝醉好想找个人来陪

我们之间有太多的误会

爱不能再沉睡

是可悲是摧毁

我不要再为谁而心碎

爱过才后悔想要用酒来麻醉

我们之间有太多的误会

爱不能再沉睡

是可悲是摧毁

我不要再为谁而心碎

求求你给我个机会

不要再对爱说无所谓

如果相爱是眼泪

就让我们用真心去面对

求求你给我个机会

不要再对爱说无所谓

留下了太多伤悲

告诉我你到底爱着谁

-------------------------------------------------------------------

［秋天不回来］

初秋的天,冰冷的夜

回忆慢慢袭来

真心的爱就像落叶

为何却要分开

灰色的天独自彷徨

城市的老地方

真的孤单走过忧伤

心碎还要逞强

想为你披件外衣

天凉要爱惜自己

没有人比我更疼你

告诉你在每个

想你的夜里

我哭的好无力

就让秋风带走我的思念

带走我的泪

我还一直静静守候在

相约的地点

求求老天淋湿我的双眼

冰冻我的心

让我不再苦苦奢求你还

回来我身边

-------------------------------------------------------------------

2010-03-02T20:08:00.006+08:00

为何命运总是在戏弄着我和大家。

给那刚离开我的女孩地信［JunTing]，

我的坚强你是不会理解的，我的沉默是你负担吧。你曾有想过为何你说你要离去时我从来不曾留住你吗？

留住一个不属于你的东西，你会开心吗？对我而言。。。随缘吧。

在人生的地铁里，到了每个站都会有人上，有人下。。。这就是人生轮回。

当你再一次地说从新开始时，我确实犹豫了。。。因为坚强是每个男生都应该显现的。我始终告诉我自己，我不该犹豫。。。

你始终还是离去了不是吗？也许我不够温柔。。。不能分担你的忧愁。

伤感。。。但我不会落泪因为那时是我自己选择了那条道路。

给瓶子里日记女孩的信 [YiJing]，

找到了那装着你日记本的瓶子。。。但我始终打不开。

总有股冲动想抱着那瓶子去找你。。。但我犹豫了。

我问了自己，日记本里写的东西重要吗？

就是因为不开心所以才写在日记本了然后丢到人们看不到的海洋。。。请原谅我曾想打破那瓶子的冲动。

　其实日记女孩啊，当决定放下时就该把手中在燃烧的相片放到。。。不然会烧伤自己的。手中握着燃烧的相片，封闭的日子本丢到大海，脸上依然带着将强的甜蜜笑脸。。。这让做为一半哥哥的我更加得难受。

　我又快进兵了。。。没多余的时间能疼你了。。。做为一半哥哥的我，只能为你点亮那么一时的烛火。。。那么短暂的灿烂时光。。。。

明天是最后一天看到你了。。。过了明天我真的不知道那烛火何时会熄灭。

对不起，哥只能为你点燃一线的烛火。。。

Ps:我脸皮很厚吧？又把自己当你哥哥了 XD!。

给一线烛火的女孩[xueqi],

女孩啊，我好想亲自向你道谢。但我好像每天都叫你 Snoopy 。。。闹着玩的，别在意！

这也将是我的最后一片博客了。。。所以我再此向你道谢。

谢谢你在我就低潮时为我点燃了光明的烛火。。。我真地感到很安慰。

绮绮,哥真得很感激你。。。谢谢你带给哥安慰和笑容。。。

哥就快离开你了。。。步入了成长的阶段。。。

一定要和哥保持联络哦！

给喜欢揍我的女孩[Joey],

Thanks joey for brightening my life too during the days when im so down.

I have placed the line you told me at the side of my blog ... as promised i will paste it no matter where i go.

As you can see .. im entering army in 3 days time... i realize i only always punch you yet did not thanks you :/.

Laughs .. thanks joey for the punching day we use to have ... i do hope you enter poly life & being a success girl.

Stay in contact ya!
Thanks alot once again :)

我就写到这里了。。。我将步入成长的阶段了。。。那就是当兵！哈哈。。。

再见了。。。

伤感只是短暂的。。。因为它不会长久。

Ps: Don't need search for history button , i had removed it =p !

2010-02-28T22:20:00.001+08:00

i wonder & wonder.

5 days ....

Game Over!

------------------------------------------------

Snoopy nico D:!
She call-ed me didi cause i play with those collection figure =x ..

Don't know who the one stay in toy'r'us play 30min =0=lll ..

Bully me only ._. ...

------------------------------------------------

Yesterday & today went all over singapore to pray my grand parent.

I almost tears-ed when saw my grandfather grave... moment of rush wanna hug the bottle of grandpa.

Visit-ed all grand parent's ..

------------------------------------------------

Last line of day ..

Whats yesterday is yesterday ..

Whats today is today ..

Whats happen sec ago is history.

Whats gonna happen next sec is furture.

2010-02-26T19:51:00.002+08:00

Let me see what to post.

Not too much.

Just 1 word will do.

As simple as 1 word.

Curious what word?

Now see carefully eh.

very Fast one.

Jus a Blink it's over.

End.

2010-02-25T22:36:00.002+08:00

Behind the true is always cruel waitin for you. Agree over it?

也许我不够温柔，不能分担你的忧愁。

怕你难过转身就走。。。那就这样吧。

Took these line out from a song call 把我的悲伤留给自己.. so meaningfull .. listen over & over again.

Just 8 days more i had to forget lots of thing... Forced myself to continue work as favor-ed. The more tired i am , the more thing i could forget...

Reason? It wasn't mean to be at first place.

I'm shutting my eye slowly as tiredness overtake me.

Slowly i'll leave everything behind me..

2010-02-23T19:43:00.002+08:00

I know all these outcome will fall sooner or later, Finally it's over. She asked me "Do you wanted to know the reason?". Is the reason so important? In facts is not mean to be a reason in e first place.

I had fallen down so badly... how strong is no longer a matter. No matter how down i am , i never fail to bring smile to ppl around me & you. I know it clearly you couldn't lead me a shoulder .. but i could lead you my shoulder because i know you need it.

The hand which holding the knife is bleed-ing so badly... you couldn't see it at all. Every word of your's is a knife, knife which were so close to my heart. I using my hand to hold back the knife ... & im smiling at the same time while bleed-ing.

Serious speaking .. for my current state plus your word's ... it's enough for me to give up the forest. While holding back the knife , im smiling at you everyday & hiding from you there im badly wound-ed. You say before you just want to be happy with me .. as simple as that. So no matter how pain i am , im always smiling towards you because i promise before i'll bring happy to you.

It's really very pain do you know .. hand which hold-ing the knife bleed none stop. It's the 3rd & last time you say want-ed to break up.

For that moment i let go of the knife .. .. pierc-ing through my heart..

i wish you would grown stronger.. because i could no longer hold on the knife anymore..

2010-02-22T21:32:00.002+08:00

明知道负担会增加的但还是愿意尝试。我不想放弃她因为我真得想在她身边。很清楚你脑海里一定在乱想着很多。。。

其实我也隐瞒着你很多事情。我知道告诉你后，你会想得更多。。。我希望你明白我隐瞒你是为了你好。

其实我也应该不能反对你和他做朋友。。。拿号码是平常的事吧。一时只想到保护你。。。对不起。

近来，我真的好累哦。。。

2010-02-18T20:51:00.003+08:00

It's like a secret dairy which kept in a sealed bottle & being throw to Ocean.

Even if there's chance whereby people able to find it , they won't be able to open it up.

The sealed bottle just like a heart which locked so tightly that people who trying open it , will only end up in hurts.

What's wrote inside the sealed bottle wasn't importante. It's being sealed up & thrown into ocean because the owner of it wanted it to float into a ocean whereby the owner itself won't be able to seen it anymore. Let it wash away by the ocean wave ..

From the beginning , why do people keep wanted to open up the sealed bottle? Everything happen for a reason. Ever heard of something? "The more strenght you use , the harder you will open it" . Reason? You tired out yourself. When a person who is tired & restless , they will blame you for life time.

Why do i bother holding a burn-ed ash in my hand? This a very good question. All these ash are memories .. memories which i wanted to clear so burn-ed into ash. Why am i still holding on to it whereby just sec of letting go , for my life time i would be free? i have so no ideal ..

当一个孩子瞭望天空时，

不是因为他/她寻找着什么，

而是因为孤独。。。

2010-01-16T22:02:00.003+08:00

内心现在好想安那号码。。。好想看见你的回复。
我还是一样。。。带着面具傻笑着。
有谁看得见我的空虚呢？
每一个笑，都费了我好多的力气。。。
我停留在一望无际的海洋中央。。。那种无助和无奈的感受。
腐烂的伤口就像被人洒了盐巴一样。。。痛得我好像在一次的了解自己。
我无法让身边的人理解我，我封的太紧了。。。我以忘了如何松开。
我已经忘了自己为何存在。。。是为了逗他人笑还是为了目标？

飘扬在海洋的我，只有在暴风雨的天气里我才会冷静下来。。。脑海里才终于摆脱了“痛”
我能在暴风雨里躲多久？

2010-01-15T16:42:00.004+08:00

Even the salt on the fresh wound is very pain, i'm trying hard to smile as i could because outside the world there's alot more poeple being pour with piles of salt on fresh wound.

And ya i had let go of her from that moment i closed everything. 14 years is a long years & just a blink ... she's gone. I asked myself , Could i really let go of everything?

Sadness should be over. Let me intro a girl i know! Her name is call shuhua! Hahas ... she's a smily & a bit unnormal! Ops .. she's gonna read this (>.<)! She's easy going & friendy! [Like being force to say]

Alright's i shell blog when i know her more ..

2010-01-11T08:53:00.006+08:00

现在的记忆仿佛停留在小学的时光。

和现在相比，还记得我向来不合群。。。老是被欺负。

回味起那时光。。。和现在相比真的是语言也无法形容。

忍不住回头看了看。。。那小学的我一点都不开心。而你们这是嬉皮笑脸的过每一。。。现在和你们联系上了，反而是我变得开心果而你们因为一路上碰到了挫折而不再笑了。。。虽然你们过去常欺负我但现在的我好想为你们做些什么似的。。。我想在听到你们大家再一次的笑。。。

命运这东西真得让我很不理解。或许我还停留在大家灿烂的笑容那一刻。。。但从你们的第一句话开始，我就已经知道。。。大家都成长了。

这六年里，我想大家也伤的不轻吧？岁月是不留人的。。。缘，是更加的残酷。

残酷虽残酷。。。我还是感到无比的喜悦应为我们联系上了！

友谊万岁！

2010-01-10T19:13:00.002+08:00

i always thought i would be happy after found her.
i always thought i will have endless word after found her.

i always thought i will had something to hope for the very next day.

i always thought of you ..

Why are there so many always in my life? Beside u there's nothig else in my life to hope for ..

My heart is dead by now ..

2010-01-06T21:15:00.005+08:00

Finally i know im a stranger to you only because i saw other's talk to you & you reply so normally. For this fucking years , i being waiting like a fool. Now than i realize im a fucker who is foolish enough to wait you for 7years. i really tired ... i have no courage to say out your name. it's hurt ..
From that small conver with your ex stead , i know for this 7years i'm nothing to you. I remember clearly , you asked me for these years i find you for? i remember your attitude towards me .
7 years i being a fool and being waiting for you & belive you still who you are. for 7 years , fate let us meet each other 3 times .. there's no more 4th time. i keep on don't belive i could not found you .. i sigh up for facebook & trying my luck ..
And i did found you.
If i know out coming result will be like this .. i wish i never found you..

2009-12-12T15:59:00.002+08:00

i use to be a workaholic where by everyone was enjoying their holidays , gaming , shopping or slacking.
Now i told myself i will spent more time with friend and quit working but now .. i got lots freedom but my friend doesn't. They was busy working and me? Stay home doing nothing.
What does fate really want me to do? I being working so hard and being true to everything yet i get this kind of fate in return?
Yes i admit i did lots of unkind thing in past but it's over wasn't it ?

I cried and beg the heaven tell me what to do.

Friends around all could get their ms right but why not me? Why would fate play me around? I doesn't know why ..
I know i'm full of boredom and come to worse , i don't even go out so often and even i do , i don't talk. I just don't like speak too much when with girl's because i just wanted to quietly enjoy the time with her.

I cried and beg the heaven give me a ans tell me ..

Heaven heaven .. stop fooling me pls ..

2009-12-01T20:13:00.003+08:00

In my current life , i ever wonder had anyone ever try to understand who me? I don't even understand whats my target next.

Since after 6years i being searching for her .. & yes i found her.

It was in my predict .. things wasn't perfect. I totally broke down after reading her dairy.

I have nothing more to be 期盼。。。neither i had any life hope..

wake up..

全无目标。。。

2009-11-12T14:33:00.002+08:00

It took me just a short hour to finish reading your 6years life even tot it start from 2006. I dare not miss out every post your wrote but everyday of your day life seem so 痛苦。

It's being 6years since i being finding you and everyday i told myself it's an end to you. I couldn't forget the feeling for you and it's painfull when year come. It's being 6years i miss out your birthday & this year on the 28oct i wished you throught the star on the sky .. hopefully you could hear me .. but i know you did not.

The song is my feeling now ..

i'm so sad after reading your blog from 2006 - 2009 ..

2009-11-07T15:48:00.003+08:00

You are just a fucker:
Do you think you guys really understand me ? Come-on , show me your true self & stop going around the bushies & act as if like you the one who save us. I did not talk back whatever because i don't bother to reply you anymore because in your world , you are always right & the "Saver"

Tell me to fuck off:
Come-on ,

-You are just a fucker .. dam seriously-

tell me i'm a fucking boring person & i'll fuck off your life. For years , i being entertain-ing you & YOU only come to me when you need me. You are fucking 18 now .. Can for the goodness sake you just of my feeling for once? I'm your toy? I'm your part time player or what?
-Another fucker in my life's-

Can you just fucking understand & stop being kids?:
Hey you! Ya you! Why are you such a fucking kids act ? Do you think i fucking enjoy scolding you or saying you? You don't understand me well wasn't you? I don't know how show warm concern? I only know how concern a person by scolding & saying . I know i hurt you alot but have you ever hear in my words?
-You r fucking 18 but just a fucking 8 yrs old kids-

Are you a liar also?:
Why , why & still why. Why you always being telling me that you will be there when i need & i need you by my side for the rest of my life yet you reject me again & again. I thought you understand me . I thought you the 1st person who understand that i need people by my side.
But im so wrong .. you are just like the other's ..
Pityness for me ..
-I'm the fucker instead of you because i don't understand you well . -

Yes you guys should know who you guys are .. & yes i admit im a fucker .. a dam fucker. I have courage to admit my mistake . I have pride in my life which i don't tend to cheat. This call pride & courage need time to take out. You all not only don't understand , even laugh at me .. i dam conform you all will ask me " did we? u r really a fucker because we trying help you .. "
I say before .. i read a person mind dam clearly ..
Dare you all tell me you understand me?
Trust me , if you are wrong , for the rest of my fucking life i swore you are out! Because you are just another human who tend to pitty me with your fake mask which i'm tired of entertain-ing :)..
All the fucker's can't read this i know .. because i know

Fucker's will never admit they are fucker's .. Human r cowards & selfish ..

2009-11-05T18:38:00.002+08:00

Most of the time i being wonder how wrong i am. Why do mummy so side him? All her hard earning , saving all goes to him.

All my hard earn money goes to this family & i got no extra pay to buy whatever i want & had i ever ask from mummy you?

Did you ever had extra saving? No! I ever wanted so many thing's .. yet i just get over because i know you had no extra saving buy for me & so do i had extra saving . You told me you had saved all the money i gave you every time i work. Yet now? Where are the money? Where are the fucking money i gave you?

I hate everything

二姐篇

2009-10-29T22:14:00.003+08:00

Hmmmm .. talk about my erjie .. hahas ! Joker sister i had =x
I really slowly realize there if you gave ppl a chance , time pass when they understand you they'll love you more.

Erjie , it's not your fault for knowing that i had such state. Is i choose to keep it from you cause the erjie i use to know is cool , scary & doesn't care me. Actually erjie , i do hate you once before . Still remember the time when i quarrel with erjie?
Erjie , don't need feel sad over me =p .. your brother me is always cheerfull after a sleep. I'm already a 18 yrs old adult erjie =p .. no longer 15 or 16 nor do i the brother you know years ago.
Erjie , really really thanks for dote me so much now & than .. it's not too late xD .. At lest erjie this name i did not call wrong :D !

Dinner time ya erjie xD!

Love erjie much more nowadays ~..

2009-10-17T22:30:00.002+08:00

昨夜半醉的我，几乎好痛苦。砰然的酒对我来说只是饮料，无法让我消愁。明明已经该醉了但我的脑海里仍然很清醒着。。。挣扎着什么似的。

酒。。。

2009-10-13T11:31:00.002+08:00

Since when my struggling become stronger & stronger. Is it because of you? Or is it because of else thing?
Why am i so weak to escape & escape everytime?

You could even wait a friend to online chat with you till you no need sleep , how about me? i waited till day light for your sms do you know? NO ! You know nothing!

You always say you understand how i feel , now tell me how much you know? You could even forget that you once say before if i did not message you , you will bother message me even i don't reply. You forgotten wasn't it?

I belive again & again your fucking lie .. you fucking hurt me again & again .. do the fucking you know what are you doing?

Tell me im idiot , tell me im hopeless .. don't show me fake concern even i punch the fucking wall is none of the business .. hurt me once deep & leave me alone ! Don't give me fucking hope anymore can?

.Just fucking hurt me deep once & for all.

2009-10-09T11:08:00.002+08:00

I jus doesn't know why .. whenever i think of you , i will punch the wall. I told myself is impossible in between us.
I even had no courage to face what's right infront of me because i choose to escape from you.

.I know i stand no chance .. hurt is main cause.

2009-10-07T10:07:00.002+08:00

Wall's & still wall's in my life .. how could i stop the wall from buliding? I couldn't see any of the path right infront now.

Few people could understand how i feel & yes i choose to escap the reality in past , now i couldn't now how stop it from buliding. Which path could i walk now?

I'm so afraid of stepping another step .. doesn't know who will hurt next. I could hurt people even without realising .. I choose to hide in the dark forest .. now i'm lost. I so hope someone will be there be my guiding star , guide me out of the dark forest.

Yes , lots of reasonable & "Understanding" people is right . I choose to hide myself as deep as possible .. now i suffer myself because i choose it. But do i have a choice? I hide all things inside me , i keep all people hurt's in me does you "understanding" people know?

.What are growing up life's?.

.&.

.Do you know how much i miss you?.

2009-10-06T20:27:00.002+08:00

Why do you tell me you appreciate me bidding you morning & night all of sudden? Why do you bother sms me morning or night & asking why i no message you? I thought i would have a chance to meet you out but you changed subject & tell me you do really appreciate my morning & night .
Is this what you trying tell me ? I stand no chance & ask me give up?

Why you like other's , give me a slight small chance of hope & crush me into piece's within second? Why bother tell me you appreciate for what i had done? Why?

.Wall's start to bulid up in fast speed .. i can't stop it.

2009-10-06T11:29:00.002+08:00

Since i gradute from secondry school life already being 2year's. Alot of people keep telling me that i should treasure the time i in secondry school but i keep thinking of growing up & don't understand why they want to be stay at secondry school life or being a kids. Now i fully understand it .

There lot's of freedom in secondry school life & lot's of joke's too. We gather around copying each other homework , after school go out together hanging around or talk in class & get punish together. Don't have to trouble about homework no do can't gradute & no need worry about living.

I take a look back at my life year's ago compare to now. I feeling lifeless since i gradute from secondry school. My heart wasn't with me anymore because i wasn't happy with at i had now. My schooling now is just bother line & i totally had no heart to do anything unlike during secondry school .. i can do finish a work within 15min & i die die must get full mark's for my work , don't wan lose to anyone in the class .. i want be top!

Look at myself now .. i'm like a junk rotting lifeless. Wearing different mask entertainning people & have to learn to accept this cruel social & reality. How long can i escape? What am i escaping? i couldn't ans all myself what am i escaping.

.I miss the childhood time we once had before.

2009-10-05T10:03:00.001+08:00

献给大家这首歌。。
挪威的森林。。

今天的我其之。2

2009-10-01T14:24:00.002+08:00

刚刚做完家务的我。。。这时才知道妈为何做家务需要怎么久的时间=。=
我啊，其实是为了减肥才家务的 =3= 。。别笑我哦 =0= 。。
妈咪做工很少打扫了因为做工累吗。。。我又有洁癖的习惯所以啊就打扫了哦 =3= 。。不准笑！

好累哦。。。

今天的我其之。1

2009-10-01T08:49:00.003+08:00

好久都没把感觉写出来了。。。我想或许是没那勇气吧？这几年来我都走不出。。。很害怕在尝试让人了解我。好不容易才逃到灰暗森林的深处，既没有阳光也没有人会来打扰的地方。

我每次告诉自己，和外头的孩子比起来，我简直是笑柄。这一切都是我自己不肯走出来。。。因为害怕再一次受到伤害。。。

-感觉又在一次断了，就写到这-

2009-09-30T13:18:00.002+08:00

昨夜和小玉聊了起来。。。终于主动向她道歉了。她说原本讨厌我了，不想再跟我说话但昨夜料完后，不知为何就原谅了我。
我当时骂她完全没听她解释或说想说的话那是因为我很害怕她会像我一样。原来她知道她自己做什么，她还是受气让我骂。

现在的我仍然走不出那片灰暗的森林。。。还是往往会有迷路的羔羊会出现。我告诉过自己，就算自己满身是伤，我也要把迷路的羔羊赶出那片谁也不该久留的森林。

“其实要说帮你。。真的只有你自己可以帮你。。你要打开你的心。。接受大家给你的关怀与爱。。或许你觉得那些关怀都不是真心。。还是怎样。。但你要接受的。。不是伤。。而是可以填补你的伤的爱。。。”

很真实的一句话。。。我不愿打开那扇心灵的窗。就是应为我曾经打开那扇心灵窗，我才会在那片灰暗的森林里排回着。我无法让自己依赖他人了因为所谓的关心，是假的。伤痕累累的我的确是别的孩子来的幸福些。。。但这些年来，我把所有不开心的事往心里赛！对母亲而言，我什么都不会告诉她因为她知道我领可往心里塞，也不要她担心。
可能太多东西压抑在心里，情绪很不稳定。我领可不说话因为我很难控制我的情绪。

*原本我是该入感化院，是母亲给了我一个机会。。。谢谢您，妈。*
*往另一方面想的确，我比别的不幸孩子来的好因为起码我有一个宠我的妈妈 =p*

2009-09-29T21:50:00.000+08:00

好久都没写了。。。发霉了吧？哈哈！我啊。。。要感谢我的宝贝傻婆，茹！她阿，总是在我不开心的时候都会豆我笑。
很多时候，我在想新加坡找得到想傻婆一样的女孩吗？

-心情，又开始迷失了-

2009-09-17T12:06:00.000+08:00

有多少人懂得放下？在你的生活里谁又呈不合你计较把你当朋友？母亲很了解为何我身边总是没有朋友的。我不喜欢骄傲，自大，自私自立，狂妄的人。。。这种朋友我领可不交。原则对我来说很重要。。。从小到大，女孩的朋友总是多过男孩。我还算幸运吧我有很疼我的亲姐姐和两位相我的亲姐姐一样。
我做人就是不懂得放下。谁走过的人生，我的记得清清楚楚。。。我不愿放弃任何人但往往我的拙作害了我。这是我造谣自取得吧？没这么大的本事却还要硬扛下。。。

感觉中断。

2009-08-26T23:25:00.001+08:00

Hey everyone who viewing my blog now !
How's my new skin ? I maked it myself eh :D
I hope it's cute & meaningfull :D

Goodnight's everyone

2009-08-22T19:28:00.000+08:00

A friend of mine wrote this

"Romeo promised to be with juliet forever but he went to sacrifice himself to custody for juliet what a cork is he"

How's you feeling of reading it ? I feel so piss off and talked to her . From this , i could see that she's a girl who only blame people for abandon her instead of asking herself what Good people had done to her & why they leave her .

In life's , if you really care or love someone , i belive no matter what you'll sacrifice for him/her silent right? They are not a corkster who broke promise .. he/she is with you forever , in your heart because he/she love you , care you & concern you so much till they willing to use their life to exchange for your furture , happiness & life's .

No much have the courage to die for another half . I saw a new's week's ago , a couple hugged each other and die on railway track near bukit timah [ donno exact loaction ] . They have the courage to hug each other & die for happiness .

I remember this chinese line 我们虽然不能一起同日出生，当我们能一起同日死。

This is how greatly love is ...

2009-08-20T18:23:00.000+08:00

Alright back to posting for today ! Start of with my maple stead ? Hahas .. everyday can't without her .. she's brighten my boring day =p .
Know a new girl in maple today and she join my dear fan's club =x .. now got about 5-6 member ? "Bully toopie fan's club" Cute fan's club eh ?
Hahas ..

Let me see ... shell update again =p ..

碟仙
ouija board
A: Items needed for the process:

1. You have to print out the 碟仙 board illustration from the link below. Print it out on a A4/Letter size paper or you can also create one yourself.
Download here

2. Get a mini saucer or a large coin (any coin will do) as the guide. Avoid using the sg one dollar coin bcos the coin has a octagon (eight sided polygon) shape just like the exterior shape of a taoist bagua (八卦 / Eight trigrams). It's may offend the ghost.

3. White candle & some joss stick (joss stick optional)

4. Pomelo & pomegranite leaves (put the leafs in clean water) It's for cleansing yourself & the players after you finish the process. It's optional but then it's for the safety of everyone.

5. A lighter or matches. (For burning away the paper board after the process)

B: Rules & regulations:

1.The players must be firm & calm minded people.

2.If any thing happens, you all must be calm to face the trouble.

3.Numbers of players must be in odd number (1, 3, 5).

4.Try to limit maximum 5 ppl each time you play.

5.There shouldn't be ppl crowding around the area used to play the 碟仙

6.Never play it at home, or you will invited the ghost/spirit into your house.

7.Choose a suitable place & time, try it at quiet place & during the night (7pm to 10pm)

8.Give proper respect to the ghost & never ask those questions that may offend the ghost.

9.Never play when any of the players are sick or unwell, if anything goes wrong he will possibly be the first one to get it.

10.Never ask for 4d number or ask for anything in return.

11.If any of the players are wearing or carrying things like amulets, talismans, religious items or things that are used for supernatural protection, it's likely that you all will never be successful to invite the ghost.

12. Try it only once it a long while, it can affect a person's yin/yang element/chi.

13. Never let go the fingers on the saucer or coin before the 碟仙 has left.

C: Invitation Process

1. Layout the 碟仙 board & place the saucer or coin at the center where the taiji logo is. It doesn't matter if the saucer or coin is bigger than the circle

2. Light the candle & the optional joss stick. The ghosts/spirits will gather around the candle/joss stick & the area once you light it.

3. Place the middle finger on the saucer/coin firmly

4. Read out the player's name

5. Recite out: 天灵灵,地灵灵,奉请碟仙来显灵 (tian ling ling, di ling ling, feng qing die xian lai xian ling)

6. Recite until the saucer/coin starts to move itself

7. Different spirits you invited will have different movement momentum & pattern.

8. If the 碟仙 invitation is genuine, the coin or saucer should be moving smoothly & feels little bit like the thing is lift off the paper (floating).

9. Ask the question you wanted to ask (Better write down before you start)

10. When you have finished ask the questions you want to know, invite the 碟仙 to go back to where it came from.

11. Recite out: 天灵灵,地灵灵，奉送碟仙从那里来，回那里去。尘归尘，土归土 (tian ling ling, di ling ling, feng song die xian cong na li lai, hui na li cu. chen gui chen, tu gui tu).

12. Once the die xian returns to the taiji logo (big circle) for a while, you can let go your finger)

13. Burn away the 碟仙 board immediately & blow away the ashes once it's completely burned.

14. Leave the candle & joss stick unless you are playing in a room.

15. Cleanse yourself & the other players with the cleansing water. (Wash the face, hands, legs)

16. If you want to, go to a temple to pray before you reach home.

D: Some other things to note

(Random order)Playing 碟仙 can be dangerous, especially for ppl with higher yin chi (太阴). Amateur players, please never try it after midnight.

It's dangerousIt's not a game or to use it to ask your fortune.

They tend to give you inaccurate answers when you are not sincere or playing a fool.

Never think the answer you want or wish for in your mind.

They could read your mind & drop you the wrong answer.

They might do anything to harm us if we purposely ask the wrong questions & it offended them.

Don't believe everything they tell you.

Anyone keen to help me with it ?

2009-08-20T09:39:00.000+08:00

Wohoooo ! I'm so happy now as the coding problem had being solved ! Singtel really kannasai =.= ...

How's my new skin ? Took about 1hour+++ to edit everything ! Excited !

Look forward to my posting ..

活着的证据

是时候告别了。。。

Last & Final.

二姐篇

今天的我 其之。2

今天的我 其之。1

今天的我其之。2

今天的我其之。1